When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
