I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Randomize
