That's when you crack a 10am beer
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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