I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
