What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
