he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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