The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
bring money and cleavage
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
