i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
