I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
