Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
