He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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