My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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