There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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