are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
try to milk me bitch
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
