i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize