D3 body, D1 cock
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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