You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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