So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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