I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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