i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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