His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize