Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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