When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
