She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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