What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
