He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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