I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
