speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
