and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
