Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
