You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you traded sex for a burrito?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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