she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
