My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
