There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
