If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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