i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
