you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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