why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
