Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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