Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
