I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You took a bar mat shot.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
