please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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