apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
