he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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