Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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