put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
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