imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Randomize
