At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
