new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
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Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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