just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize