now i know why i became what i already was.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
