I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
