I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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