id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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