You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
honey bunches of taint.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
