The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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