I'm gonna have a badass scar
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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