Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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