sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
