My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
