Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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