You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
