When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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