i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
