I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
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So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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