Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You have to summon your inner elephant
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize