Having a random hookup so left but love u
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
