forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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