you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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