two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
