i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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