So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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