Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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