I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
MIDGETS
????
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize