I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
