just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
